what i wish my 12-year-old self had known

looking at this picture you can really tell i've had a (semi) glow-up since this was taken. i went from a weird band geek in 6th grade to a girl that looked like she had her life together. this picture is from a few months after i turned 12. puberty hadn't taken the driver's seat yet but i was still as awkward as any middle schooler in the 2010s. life was pretty simple. i know a lot of us would kill to be back in a simple time especially as an almost college student, which comes with responsibility breathing down your neck. all i had to worry about when about when i was 12 were my after-school activities and whether or not i'd get one direction tickets for my birthday.

not to be pessimistic, but everyone's lives are filled with difficulty and challenges at some point in their life. horrible things happen every day and it's only a matter of time danger will strike. now that doesn't mean prepare for a zombie apocalypse, but the only certainty we can count on is that things don't always work out. most people are gonna have something that redefines who they are in adulthood. some may have it during childhood, whether it be the foster system or the death of a parent. something so significant and traumatic that your brain chemistry is altered.

for me, that life-changing thing happened in high school. i wish my 12-year old self knew her worth. no matter how awkward she was (and still is) i wish she knew not to care what other people think. i wish she knew so many things. sometimes i wish i could go back in time with all the life lessons i've learned and teach that little girl not to count her calories, to seek help when her anxiety started to manifest, and to not fall into the ruse of social media telling her she wasn't good enough.

we can always wish to go back in time and change something. but the only thing we can do is learn from those mistakes or the moments of naiveté. whilst it is important to think about our past to learn from our own selves, try not to dwell too long and look forward.